i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
