I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
