I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
