I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
