Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
