Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
