i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
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