I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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