I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
