I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
