Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
