Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
