Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
