I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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