Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
