my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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