I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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