I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
