So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
