oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize