She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
