I CAN MOONWALK!
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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