Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
you guys were way drunker than both of me
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize