UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
