over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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