I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
