I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
