me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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