just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
