Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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