I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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