Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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