i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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