wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
My Higher Power is John Stamos
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Randomize
