I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize