Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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