no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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