'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
