Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
porn star boner night. come get it.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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