I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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