last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
