i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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