Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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