I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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