the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Woke up backwards on a recliner
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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