Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
