I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
