So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
