im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize