I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
