my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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