I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
