He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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