Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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