She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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