I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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