Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
he puts the penis in happiness.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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