I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize