we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Randomize
