There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
