i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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