Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Randomize
