People in love make me want to vomit
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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