my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
