new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
