3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
home. puking in laundry basket.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
