Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
