Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
