we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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