worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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