i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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